Total Change in Routine

               I like routine.  Oh yes , and control.  And now I don’t feel I have either.  It started with tripping and falling.  And then, I fell out of bed. Several years ago, after developing sore muscles in my right hip, I went to the doctor and was given exercises to stretch the muscles in  that hip and performed them each morning before getting out of bed..  This spring I fell the first time March 30,  On April 1 I fell the second time.  Then, on May 9, I fell out of bed.. 

               Two days later, May 11, the neurologist performed a craniotomy.  May 13 and 14 I was unable to verbalize what I was trying to tell people  about my thoughts. 

               For a woman who lives in her head and wants to communicate, that was so frustrating.  I like to plan, research and put those plans into operation.  And I realry couldn’t explain what I wanted  or how to go about it.

               Now we are fairly clear on what we are doing in the near future. But it sure isn’t our routine.  Since 2003 we have traveled during the summers.  Those travels have enabled us to spend the night in our RV in every state in the US except Hawaii.  We have also traveled in Canada and been to Europe three times,  including Great Britain, Sweden, Denmark, Germany and France.             .

               Today we spend our winters in Arizona, our summers in Colorado. And I no longer know for sure how my brain and memory will respond to what is happening.  I have lost control because my memory is so limited.  

        Obviously, this isn't the end of the world--at least unless I let it be.  But I have to open my eyes to a new way of thinking.  I am  80 years old and just had a craniotomy.  I spend my summers among one group of friends and my winters around another group.  I have numerous family nearby in the summer.  How can I complain? Surely I am still creative enough to enjoy myself among these friends.  

But there are so many uncertainties.  I had a CT scan before the craneiotomy,  And Friday, I had another one.  Hopefully that will help the doctors tell me how I am doing and what I can expect in my future.  

As I think about these things I see that I want some certainty.  I want to look ahead, make plans for next month or next winter.  Right now, what I do is check on the next medical appointment and make sure it is correctly entered in our calendar.